Life Lessons
We all learn as we go and unfortunately, no one can learn our lessons for us. It’s almost like a rite of passage to learn the hard lessons life has to teach us and come out the other side better for it. When I was young, like everyone else, I thought I knew so much! I thought I had the whole world figured out and I was sure I knew how things really worked. There were no life lessons needed.
Boy, was I wrong!
Life (and the older generations) have taught me so much and my life is better for it. I remember things my grandma would try to tell me, but being a know-it-all-teenager, I didn’t pay much attention. Now, I sure do. Life has a lot to teach us and the sooner we learn these things, the better (and happier) we’ll be.
1. What Other People Think Of You Is None Of Your Business
It’s natural to think that what others think of us should be widely known by us. It is, after all, about us. Right?
Wrong!
What other people think of you is none of your business. Knowing what your friends think of you is like shining a spotlight on all of your insecurities and having a party to show them off. It would be a horrible feeling.
Can you imagine if all of your friends knew everything you thought of them? What about the friend who you think doesn’t eat as well as they should? You probably have friend who raises her children differently than you and you disagree with some of the things she does. That friend who argues with his or her spouse all the time? Yeah, we all have those friends. In fact, every one of our friends does things that we disagree with. And guess what? You do things that every one of your friends disagrees with too.
Not knowing what these things are is what keeps your friendship strong. Keep it that way. If you really want to know what people think of you, go on social media and have complete strangers tell you. They’re comments will be just as brutal, but at least you’ll still have friends to support you.
2. Your Opinion Doesn’t Matter
Let me ask you…how many times has someone’s opposing political opinion managed to convince you to switch political parties or your political views? I’m guessing none.
How many times has your mother-in-law managed to convince you that her way of cooking your husband’s favorite foods is better than yours? Again, probably none.
Unless we are asked for our opinion, it doesn’t matter. No one cares. This was a tough one for me. I grew up not being able to have an opinion at all, so when I ventured out on my own, I had an opinion about EVERYTHING! It was bad and I’m sure I drove a lot of people away with how opinionated I was about absolutely every subject on planet earth.
Young people, especially, want to be heard. They want to feel like their thoughts matter to the world and since no one seems to listen, they shout louder. It’s common for young adults to be very opinionated without having much actual experience in the matter, no matter what it is. Their innocence allows them to take things at face value, never questioning the validity or motive behind the information they’ve been given. What they’ve been told becomes their truth.
The bottom line is that unless someone asks for it, they don’t want your opinion and they don’t care about it. It’s best to sit back and quietly observe. You’ll learn so much more by observing and listening that you ever could by sharing your opinion.
3. It’s Not Your Job To Entertain Your Children
As a mother, I was taken aback the first time I heard this. I was almost offended. What do you mean? Of course it’s my job! I was a stay at home mom! Why wouldn’t it be my job to entertain my children?
The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I was busy! There were a million things to do to care for my family and entertaining my children really wasn’t high on that list. After thinking about it even more, it fell off the list completely and became another life lesson learned.
Yes, as a parent, it is your job to care for and provide for your children. However, when it comes to entertainment, you are not a circus clown and it is not your job to entertain the kids. In fact, it’s extremely beneficial for your children to be bored. There’s no reason for your children to be constantly entertained and overstimulated. Down time is good for all of us, children included.
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t provide safe and enriching activities for your children to do. Far from it! I think you should set your children up for success, even during play time. But children who must entertain themselves learn a sense of independence and self-confidence that can only come from doing things on their own. Without boredom, there wouldn’t be half of the wonderful and amazing inventions there are today. Without boredom, kids might not read or write or draw. Connections with friends would be next to nothing. Creativity would plumet.
No, constantly entertaining your children is not your job. Giving them ideas of how they can entertain themselves is a much better idea. So get your creative juices flowing and they’ll follow suit. Before you know it, they’ll never be bored again because they’ll be too busy making tiny villages with acorns, dried leaves and sticks they found in the yard.
4. You Can’t Convince Other People To Change Their Mind…
No matter what you say, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever convince someone to change their mind about just about anything. You can give facts and figures until you’re blue in the face, but it will do little change someone’s mind. This is one of those life lessons that is extremely valuable in social situations.
However, there is a powerful way to get someone to at least consider it. Just ask them questions.
At dinner with some of my husband’s family, I once mentioned my opinion about an incident that happened (my fault for offering my unsolicited opinion) and was immediately made to feel like it was the most ridiculous idea they had ever heard of. My idea was SO FAR our there that no one would even consider the possibility. They pounced on me like a cheetah pounces a baby gazelle. It was bad. I even defended my idea for a short time, but was quickly put back in my place.
Then, I simply said, “Is it possible…?” A small hint at the idea that they could be wrong and within 30 seconds, the conversation started shifting to ways that my theory was possible. I didn’t try to convince them. I didn’t spout facts or ideas. I simply asked if it was possible. They were the ones who came up with dozens of ways my theory was suddenly possible. Not me.
Because of this one shift, my idea was embraced and explored, even after it was brutally put down as utterly ridiculous and impossible. So, rather than arguing and trying to prove that your opinion is valid, let the opposition come to the same conclusion you did and they’ll embrace it whole-heartedly. Prompt them to think about it, without giving them the answers. They might swing your way and, who knows, you might swing theirs.
5. It’s Not Your Parent’s Fault
To say I had a difficult childhood is an understatement, at best. I didn’t have what anyone would consider nurturing or loving parents. There weren’t even opportunities to make long term friends since we moved every year. I had a really bad start and a terrible example of how to be an adult.
However, I craved “normal” and wanted to work toward anything that felt like a “normal” life. I’ve seen many, many people get stuck in the mentality of their childhood. How can you move forward if you’re always looking back? Here’s some food for thought: Your childhood is not a reflection of you. It is a reflection of who your parents (or caretakers) were at that time.
Once you become an adult, your decisions are your own. The consequences of those decisions are also your own. You are responsible for everything you do and think. Learning to control yourself, bot physically and mentally, is a difficult, but worthwhile task. As an adult, your actions belong to you alone. They are not the fault of your parents.
You may want to drink because that’s the example your parents gave you, but you make the decision to consume the alcohol all on your own. Your parents are not forcing you. That’s a decision you made all by your yourself. Being influenced by others is normal. Acting on those influences is entirely up to you.
Exercising self control is one of the huge life lessons that will server you well throughout your entire life. Practice a little now and it will come naturally later. Your hard work will pay off in ways you never imagined.