Today, I have an amazing family and a wonderful life, for which I am truly grateful. But my life hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine. In fact, it’s been downright terrible at times.
I’m sharing my story in hopes that it will inspire others. My hope is that someone struggling to come to terms with their past can find a way past it and live the life God wants for them. We are all influenced by those around us, but every day, we get to choose who we want to be. So here’s my story:
The worst day of my childhood was when I was 14 years old and my mom told me “I don’t want you anymore.” That was a bad day.
At birth, I was given to a couple who couldn’t have kids of their own. My birth mother was unable to care for me, and giving me away was the solution at the time. Both parties were happy with the arrangement and I instantly had a family. No paperwork involved.
That should have been then end of the drama in my story. But when I was about 3 years old, my parents divorced and it wasn’t pretty. My dad decided that if he couldn’t have me, no one could. So he kidnapped me, drove 3 hours away and left me with some people he knew. Then, he drove back to his life and left me there. It took them a week to find me and I wasn’t the same when they got me back. My family isn’t sure what happened, but I was traumatized, to say the least.
Your childhood is not a reflection of you…it’s a reflection of who your parents were at that time.
For the next six years of my life, I led a moderately normal childhood. Aside from the fact that we moved every year, we led a relatively normal life. I would visit my grandparents in the summer and go to school during the year with all the other kids. It was a new school each year, so I never had any close friends, but I met a lot of new people.
Everything changed the day my mom met my step dad. He started out nice enough, but once they were married, everything changed. He became physically abusive at first. Then came the sexual abuse and public humiliation on a regular basis. He did everything he could to break me. The worst part was that my mom joined in too. She never stood up for me or tried to stop any of the abuse. It was quite the opposite. She participated and sometimes even instigated the abuse.
I felt very alone and isolated from everyone I knew. We often lived in rural areas with no close neighbors. My parents threatened me with all sorts of made up things that would happen if Child Protective Services ever took me away. I was too young to know that it was all lies. I didn’t know what they were grooming me for.
Then, when I was 13, we had an addition put on our house and I learned more of what happened behind closed doors. My mom was being paid to be intimate with other men…and my step dad set it all up. They were grooming me to be their prostitute. I was forced to watch my mom with other men, both in person and through the videos they would make.
I resisted with all of my being. When they demanded I do certain things, I refused and did everything I could to stay out of the house as much as possible. I couldn’t escape it all, but I could at least postpone the worst if I stayed out of sight. I knew it was wrong and I wanted nothing to do with it. Every day was full of fear and misery. School was my escape, even if for just a few hours a day. I absolutely loved school.
That next summer, two weeks before I turned 14, my parents drove me to the airport so I could visit my birth family for two weeks. As they handed me my plane ticket, I noticed that there was no return ticket. When I asked about it, they told me, “If we want you to come back, we’ll send it to you.” I was too young to know what that meant, fully. I cried for the entire five hour flight.
After spending a week with my birth family, my birth mom asked to check my flight information for my return ticket. When I asked her if my mom had sent the ticket, she was thoroughly confused. She had no idea what was going on. She called and talked to my mom, before handing the phone to me.
I picked up the phone and greeted my mom with excitement. It was the first time I had talked to her in a week. After a very brief chat, she said, “The main reason you’re there is because I don’t want you anymore.” I couldn’t speak. I was heartbroken on so many levels in that moment. Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to comprehend what she had just said to me. “I’m going to hang up now,” she finally said. No emotion in her voice whatsoever. I hung up the phone, went to my room (that I shared with two other siblings) and cried like never before. My birth mom didn’t know what had been said, but she tried to console me the best she could. Then she left me to my grief, knowing that there was nothing she could do for me.
That was the last time I ever spoke to my mom. I lived with my birth family for two years until my adopted grandparents agreed to take me in. By then, I was 16 years old and I was able to finish my last three years of high school at the same school (a record for me at one school).
I truly believe that God created my grandparents just for me. He knew I would need them, so He created them first. They were everything I needed and they gave me so much more than I could have ever asked for. They loved me unconditionally, which was something no one had done before them. I never once felt adopted with them. I never felt like an outsider. For them, I may not have shared their DNA, but I was as much their own as anyone else in the family. Never once did I doubt my place with them. I belonged.
Now, I have created my own family. My husband and I have two children and we have created a healthy, happy home full of love, understanding and stability. My grandparents have passed away, but the life they lived was a great example for me. Most of this parenting journey, I have figured out along the way, since there’s not much for me to use from the examples set for me. God has given me the wonderful gift of being a parent and He’s given me the tools to do it well. Parenting has always come very naturally to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve struggled through it sometimes, but God guides me in every parenting decision I make. I KNOW that I’m doing things they way I’m supposed to. I don’t doubt my parenting.
Let me tell you, parenting teenagers is no easy task, but we’re taking it day by day and learning as we go.
So that’s why I’m here. I want to share my knowledge with you and show you that no matter where you come from or how bad of an example you were given, YOU get to choose the type of parent you want to be. Just because your parents made some bad decisions doesn’t mean that you need to make those same decisions. YOU get to choose! Every day, YOU have the opportunity to be different. I’m here to encourage you and give you all the ideas I have. I’m an open book. God gave me the life I have for a reason and I want to share it with you!
So how can I help you today? What are you struggling with? What’s the most difficult thing about your parenting journey right now?